Women Talk

I’ve always wondered why it’s so much easier for men to move on after the termination of a relationship. Why do most women mope around, feel sorry for themselves, eat all the chocolate they can get their hands on and need all their girlfriends to be around them while going through a breakup? Sure, women are a lot more emotional than men are and that’s something that we can’t really do much about since it is a genetic screw up but despite this fact I can’t even remember how many times I’ve come across situations where women feel horrible about a break up while the guy is out and about having a big ole ball. Hanging out with his friend’s just days after the split and even meeting new women! The dispersed relationship transpiring into nothing but a ghost of a memory. Are men just wired that way or are they completely oblivious to all things emotional and what is it about women that makes us so prone to the weeping and not being able to get over terminated relationships? What do men do differently when it comes to dealing with ex liaisons to have that oh so wonderful advantage over us? Isn’t there anything that we can do to overcome this feeling of utter and insane helplessness? Mes Cheres, there is! After coming across a few rather galling men myself and therefore having to indulge in some forced soul searching in the area I have come to the conclusion that the only way to happiness for a woman regardless of age or marital status is to stop relying and believing that you’ll be exultant only with prince charming (when in most cases he’s not) in your life. In other words, we must stop depending on someone else particularly the male species to make us happy with ourselves and our lives. That in my opinion is where we lose out to the men folk. Men think solitary while women think binary and that inadvertently makes us reliant. Now I don’t mean that you need to entirely eliminate men from your life, stop dating or become a man hater if you’re a single gal. If a great guy comes along your way immediately following a break up then glory hallelujah, you’ve hit jackpot! But let’s face it how many of us actually come across a replacement that quickly? If you’re like me then NOT many. Likewise if you’re married the implication is not to give your man the silent treatment. What I’m insinuating is that we must seriously evaluate our lives and think sincerely about what will make us happy as individuals. Our goals, ambitions, things we’re passionate about doing should all be thought out and written down following which we ought to get busy making all those things happen! This course of action will work wonders for you. It has for me. After years of being in a sort of dysfunctional and emotionally stressful relationship that is the one thing I’ve learnt. When you’re pursuing the things that you really want from your life whether it’s that dream job, or getting involved in social work, travelling to some place that you’ve always wanted to go or even writing a book etc you’re focusing all your energy and thoughts on being positive and proactive. Eventually and this may take a while, you get to a point when you realize that you really don’t need to be emotionally dependent on someone else to make you happy because you’re busy making yourself happy! There it is. A simple modus operandi for women to take control of their lives. Rest assured if applied with conviction and honesty this technique works and you will certainly feel like “you’ve got the whole world in your hands”.

A day at the RTO and my first time driving..in INDIA! whoohoo

Yes, I do have a newfound appreciation for the DMV after spending nearly 3 hours at the RTO in Mumbai yesterday though truth be told I was very much content with the fact that the ladies were given special treatment by not having to wait in any of the lines and got all their paperwork processed before the men folk (right on!) lol. This being a drastic change for me since it's all about first come first serve in the States no matter what your gender. The order in which paperwork is completed is simple enough. You first fill out a form that the driving school provides, get it signed by an official at the RTO following which a picture of you is taken for your driver's license. Since the men and women were asked to cue up in separate lines I noticed that not one of the women smiled while their picture was being taken. Each time a picture would be taken I would literally want to scream out to them 'SMILE'!! Why on earth would anyone want to look so morose and down while they were being photographed. Beats me! So we get done with the pics to move onto the last and final leg in our journey to acquiring the learner's permit, the "TEST" portion where they assess your knowledge of the various road signs/alerts etc etc. We're assigned numbers and are then made to enter the "test" centre. You grab your spot based on the number you're given and we were repeatedly told that only 4 mistakes out of 10 were allowed. There's a screen with the test questions in front of us which is hooked up to each of our desks. Questions are answered by pressing either the red, yellow or green button. Amazingly enough the test begins with the proctor giving us the answer to each and every question while each time saying that if any of us fails we'd have to come back the next day. LOL. Sure enough there were loads of snickers and giggles in the test centre. I was so surprised especially since I had actually taken the time out to study for the damn test. In any case I did pass so all's well that ends well!!:-)

To Err is Human?

Time and again I've come across people who are just dishonest and they lie. It’s especially hard when you have somewhat of a close relationship with these individuals at some level. At this point, since detachment becomes next to impossible due to perhaps family ties or due to being close to that person at some point in time the best way to deal with it is play along. Play along with every single thing that they say to you and pretend like you agree with everything that comes out of their mouth. I find this tactic to be very helpful because it satisfies both parties. You make the other party happy because they think that you’re actually buying into their crap and you on the other hand remain unaffected and know better. Sweet deal. This method works, tried and tested. What is it about certain relationships that sometimes you just can't end or walk away from. I mean if it's all just a façade then why not be able to walk away? Why continue to mingle with people who do nothing but spready negativity in your world. I suppose there are certain societal norms and pressures that have been so deeply instilled into our being that makes detachment an impossibility. I firmly believe that it's better to spend time alone by yourself rather than being around people who do nothing for you at all. I for one adopt that policy for the most part in my life but am chastised for being aloof and uncaring. On the contrary however, aren't I trying to be honest and true to myself by not associating with people who would more than likely compel one not to like them? So how in this mix did I become the aloof and uncaring one? Go figure..

Checks & Balances - Apparently not applicable to the Bush Administration

The inhumane way in which the prisoners at Abu Ghraib were treated is one
example amongst many others of the Bush Administration’s open defiance of the American Constitution.
Beginning in 2004, American’s became aware of the torture and abuse that
the prisoners in the Abu Ghraib correctional facility were going through. Even
more outrageous is the fact that the commander of Abu Ghraib, Janice Karpinski, during
the Abu Ghraib trials bought out in open the fact that 90% of the detainees in the
prison were innocent. It is one thing to use harsh torture techniques on actual suspects
but quite another when using them on innocent civilians. Horrible atrocities were
inflicted upon these prisoners including urinating on detainees, sodomization of
detainees, forcing the prisoners to be naked and perform sexual acts and waterboarding
to name just a few. Former Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld advised President
Bush to pass the infamous memo that allowed the U.S. to suspend the Geneva
Conventions at any point it so deemed necessary claiming that it needed to be done
since the U.S. was fighting a “war against terrorism”.

“The War Powers Act” passed in 1973 clearly states that
Congress must be involved and made aware about any war related proceedings
including interrogation of detainees. Clearly the Bush Administration did not think it was
necessary to involve the Congress since Rumsfeld and Bush were allowing grievous
acts to be enforced upon prisoners (most of them innocent) at Abu Ghraib. Following
the Abu Ghraib trials the Senate passed a detainee Bill which introduced new rules
relating to the treatment of prisoners kept in detainee camps. It was approved 65 to 34.
Although it made several interrogation techniques illegal it still gave the President
power to decide if harsher techniques needed to be implemented. Also, no detainee
whether innocent or guilty was going to be able to question their detention in court i.e.
they were not given the right to Habeas Corpus and due to this every prisoner held at
these camps would have to undergo a trial, innocent or guilty. So even though the
Senate had passed this Bill, its effectiveness was highly questionable. Only as of March
2008, in Boumediene v. Bush was this right given back to the prisoners.
I do believe that President Bush ignored the boundaries of the Presidency. The
framers certainly did not intend for innocent civilians to suffer in detainee camps
and have Habeas Corpus stripped from them. My stance is that terrorism must be punished at all costs but the innocent should not have to suffer. Hillary Clinton rightfully
mentioned in one of her interviews the fact that while the US is engaged in a war on terrorism, it must conduct itself in an honorable manner even when faced with extremely trying circumstances.

Obama now faces a serious challenge in trying to initiate an accurate
solution to the treatment of detainees kept in prison camps. He has pledged that he will
close the detention center at Guantanamo Bay but is still very vague as to what will become of the detainees. McCain had planned on moving them to the United States and have them tried using the Pentagons Commission but since Obama's Presidential victory all focus is on what he has in mind. Obama is of the opinon that the Bush
Administration’s methods have been an utter failure and that there was no reason to
hold the detainees back in those camps to begin with. He believes that the legal
system in America is strong enough to carry out the trials of terrorism suspects devoid of any external influences. Touche.

Itna drama kyun hai bhai?

Everytime I watch a Bollywood movie I tell myself, NOMORE! I will have nothing more to do with all of that mindless ranting and raving about some crazy/warped love angle, a heroine desperately seeking love and an overly eager hero ready to comply! NOMORE! But then I like so many others find myself being lured again into this never ending saga of romance/drama that is Bollywood. The colors, the happy go lucky characters, the LOVE stories that in almost all cases are always a success are created to draw an audience like you and I. Try as you may with all your might to resist Bollywood, it will in some way, shape or form came back to haunt you. You say you dislike Bollywood now, ok..ever think about someone you knew from the past, an ex?, a sweety you parted ways with, an evening of fun and frolick with friends? Think about any of the aforementioned people especially when you hear a certain song? That my friends is the power of Bollywood. Love it. Hate it. Either ways it’ll never let you go. You can run but you can’t hide. Now, I'm not saying that everything Bollywood is drama filled and a waste of time. No. Not at all. There are some truly memorable movies that are made in India, the romance kind or otherwise and are a must watch. However, all logical reasoning and thoughts must be put aside before watching some of them. My only problem with these movies is the false notion of life/love that they inculcate within the minds of the very impressionable youth. They say art imitates life, not so in your average Bollywood "masala" film. Therefore, my issue in the past till date has been the effect they have on the average South Asian teenager (especially those who actually live there). Watching a typical commercial hindi flick certainly creates misleading ideas about what life and especially love is all about, for in these movies it's romancing in foreign and exotic locales and a relentless passion that never never fades away with the hero chasing the heroine and winning her heart against ALL odds (Veer Zaara, KKHH, HDDCS, QSQT, KANK, etc, etc ,etc and if you aren't able to make sense of the abbreviations you're clueless about B-Wood and don't really need to be reading this). Infact, being rather nonchalant about the opposite sex I was able to steer clear of all this Bollywood madness (watched but never let influence) even as a teen and often times found myself pondering over why even bother making movies that are so meaningless?...ofcourse at some point on a later day I will hear the melodious "tujhe dekha to yeh jaana sanam" play in the distance and figure if you can't beat em join em and so the show must go on or in this case as SRK aptly puts it "picture abhi baki hai!".

Bliss in Ignorance?

Now you'll have to forgive me if this post may hurt the emotional sensibilities of some but I cannot contain myself from writing this note and furthermore to protect the identity of the individual involved in the to be mentioned narrative I shall use a hypothetical name and refer to her as Simone, in an otherwise non-fiction incident. October of last year, Muslims all over the world observed the Holy month of Ramadan and as most people are aware, it involves fasting from sunrise to sunset. So it came as a complete surprise to me when I was at work one morning while observing my fast when more or less the following conversation ensued in Simone’s office,

Simone: "Hey Suphia, you should try these cookies, they’re good!"

Me: "No thanks (my stomach already rumbling at the very thought of the cookie), I’m fasting today so I can’t eat anything till sunset"

Simone: "Oh really? must be hard, how long do you have to do this for?"

Me: "Ramadan lasts for a month"

At this point I have to add that Simone is short of hearing and one often finds themselves talking louder than they otherwise would in order to be audible to her so perhaps in her defense she did not hear me? Anyway before I could respond, in walked another co-worker into her office.

Coworker (turning towards me): "Hey Suphia, how’s the fasting coming along?"

Me: "Good, except that I tend to get thirsty"

Simone to coworker (with a very incredulous look on her face): "Can you believe it? They can’t eat anything for a month" and turning to me added “how do you survive without food for so long? DON’T YOU DIE?"

At this point the two of us couldn’t help but break out into laughter and told Susan that the fast is to be broken at sunset following which you can resume eating. She then heaved a sigh of relief and I guess realized (hopefully) how silly she had been in making that assumption in the first place. Now, I realize that Ramadan is an Islamic practice however truth be told, it saddens me to think that even though we live in the 21st century and enormous amounts of knowledge and information is available to us at the click of a button, some of us choose to live in ignorance and thus choose to not know.

Private ownership of handguns?

On October 20, 2008 the Supreme Court, overturning the District of Colombia’s handgun ban, declared that according to the Second Amendment individuals have the right to ownership of a hand gun for private use. Although in the past this issue has always been surrounded by controversy and differences in opinion I would have to agree with the Supreme Court ruling. It is crucial to be able to protect oneself if the need ever arises, even more so considering the fact that increasingly, every day we hear horror stories about people getting robbed, murdered, vandalized etc. However, I also think that one cannot ignore how dangerous these weapons can be. Just a few months ago I learnt that a girl I knew of through a friend was killed in a handgun accident at her own Birthday party. The gun belonged to her parents. So therefore I am of the stance that handguns should be made available to people for their individual private use however the people who buy these guns should be well aware of the risk factors involved and keep them in places where they are not easily accessible